Me: I am 23 years old; I have been out for almost six years. I've never dated anyone. Right now I'm in my second year of graduate school, in a major North American city known for its vibrant gay population, but I've yet to meet a single openly gay guy here.
The guy: Anthony hits a lot of gay stereotypes - gestures, walk, overall look, etc. - but makes sure that everyone knows that he is straight, often without even being asked. Almost everyone thinks he is gay, or has at one point or another. He does not trust easily, and he hates being touched by anyone (quite seriously so). This will be important info later.
The situation: I met Anthony in a class last spring, and we were fast friends. I recognized almost immediately that he was someone I could easily fall for, although he professes to be exclusively into girls. Knowing that, I made sure not to be too aggressive in the friendship - I left it to him to add me on social networking sites, to start conversations, to exchange numbers, to invite me out to events, etc. Around March 2012, he started chatting with me online almost constantly. I'm talking upwards of 8 hours a day some days, and never less than an hour or so. It was flattering, but confusing, as he was so insistent on his heterosexuality. Things continued like this until I had to go abroad for the summer for research. We maintained some contact, but not much.
When I returned to school in September, it was business as usual - talking all the time, and now he started inviting me to hang out with him and his friends, and we started eating lunch together almost every day. At one point I took the initiative to ask him to dinner, and he immediately assumed I meant it as a date and reminded me that he is straight. That weekend, though, while we were with friends, he was quite touchy (keep in mind that he HATES physical contact!) - at one point he joked that he could fit my fist in his mouth, and then actually did it; soon after, I joked about sharing a tortilla chip like Lady and Tramp shared their spaghetti, and we did it - perhaps a centimeter from kissing!
We've been more touchy than either of us are with anyone as things have continued. Nothing too intense, but for example, last week we were staring into each other's eyes and I reach up and ran my hand along his jaw. He turned a bit, and I started touching his ears, then running my hands through his hair, then along his neck. I eventually lifted his shirt and started touching his back. He didn't protest, didn't act any different, it just happened.
Now, more than a year after we first started talking online, we still do that often, and text pretty often (20+ times a day, usually). We hang out one-three nights a week in groups, on average (he'll never do anything just the two of us). I've gradually started to pry him open emotionally, but the most revealing he's been is admitting that he's into a female friend of ours and really wants to have a girlfriend. I seriously question if he's ever even wondered if he MIGHT be gay or bi. No matter what way you cut it, though, there's a lot of weirdness between us, and I'm having trouble handling it. Most nights I cry myself to sleep, and often after we eat lunch together. I don't want to confess my feelings to him and ruin what we have, but I also can't think of any other way to make it real for him.
Any advice on how to make this situation more emotionally healthy for me or, better yet, to start nudging my friend out of the closet? Thanks everyone!
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