I felt so bad seeing all these people being taken care of by nurses, in a home that is not theirs, far away from their family. I naturally offered her to come stay with me, my mom offered the same... And she declined.
She said she doesn't want to be a burden, that she is doing ok here, that we have enough on our hands with the young ones. I was really disappointed. I thought she would love being surrounded with children, grandchildren and great grand children.
The place she stays is neat, she has her own room and the staff is really efficient. They offer activities for senior and she is still allowed to go out as she likes. Still... even though it is the norm in the west, I feel something's wrong in letting her stay there. I want to be there for her last moments, even if that means taking care of her like a small baby. I can't stand the idea of her dying all alone.
What do you guys think about it ? Should we just respect her wish and let her stay where she is ? How do you take care of the elderly in your own family ? What plans did you make/are you making to take care of your parents when they won't be able to watch after themselves ?
As long as the staff are efficient in their duties (you state they are) and she's not being maltreated, I would be content to leave things as they are. Just visit her as often as you can, and let the staff know you MUST be contacted, regardless of the time, if they feel she hasn't got much time left.
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ifyalways: How did she end up there in the first place? She asked to be taken there or you guys decided to take her there
I was gonna ask the same question before I scroll drown and read your comment,
many of those seniors rarely go back home because when the decision has been made , trustees, family services and other paper work ,
its always difficult for them to go back home....I don't want to go too much into details so I will not hurt miss-ife's feelings and for confidentiality reasons
.... just leave her be and pay her constant visits ..,.. If you promise to be there for supper, shopping or to bring her ggkids ... be there....and when her last day comes .....you'd be surprised she'd wait for you to see her last breath while she holds your hand ... ...
Siena: Respect her wishes. I can see where she's coming from. She's surrounded by lots of other people of similar age, and she's content. Upheaval (which is what it would be, if you forced her to live with you) can have adverse effects on her health.SECONDEDAs long as the staff are efficient in their duties (you state they are) and she's not being maltreated, I would be content to leave things as they are. Just visit her as often as you can, and let the staff know you MUST be contacted, regardless of the time, if they feel she hasn't got much time left.
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Is it not African cultural taboo to place family elders in an human warehouse?
I think, in your case, what she needs is to be in the company of relatives and loved-ones. You might need to set up accommodations for her within your home (if you think that's best).
It's because of things like this that our ancestors built large houses and established compounds.
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Please let her be oh. Aficans and drama. Nothing wrong instaying in a retirement commuity, not everyone wants to be surrounded by the moise of grandchildren, we describe roles and pictures and expect evenryone to fit in.
The old woman has social activities with her mates, friends, can go in and out without anyone making it an issue, let her be, npt everyone wants to be around children especially these days. If Grandma says she is fine let her be.
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@Debrief,u make sense die.I doubt I ll need such noises in my senior years.
Miss_Ife: I recently visited my grandmother in a retirement home, where she's been staying for the last few years. She is getting older by the day and this is starting to affect her abilities.I felt so bad seeing all these people being taken care of by nurses, in a home that is not theirs, far away from their family. I naturally offered her to come stay with me, my mom offered the same... And she declined.
She said she doesn't want to be a burden, that she is doing ok here, that we have enough on our hands with the young ones. I was really disappointed. I thought she would love being surrounded with children, grandchildren and great grand children.
The place she stays is neat, she has her own room and the staff is really efficient. They offer activities for senior and she is still allowed to go out as she likes. Still... even though it is the norm in the west, I feel something's wrong in letting her stay there. I want to be there for her last moments, even if that means taking care of her like a small baby. I can't stand the idea of her dying all alone.
What do you guys think about it ? Should we just respect her wish and let her stay where she is ? How do you take care of the elderly in your own family ? What plans did you make/are you making to take care of your parents when they won't be able to watch after themselves ?
Aigoo!!. . . you are disappointed that your grandmother did not choose to surround herself with children, grand children and the lot?
Are you being real here? The woman has, over the years, accepted the life she has right now, and probably made friends in that time too. You come along, and expect her to just abandon all that to live with you(be a burden to you) likely with fears that you might rescind your offer when you get tired of taking care of her aging body(note that she is someone who lived the past, probably 50 years taking care of herself), and probably throw her back their or to an even worse situation. Are you serious about being disappointed? Really? If I had access to that woman, I would probably tell her to stay where she is and instead ask you to bring the kids over more often. My gosh . . . talk about being selfish.
Even though i dont buy the idea of them staying in aged homes, since its her wish to be left there, then u have to respect her wish. She is comfortable there and you have even attested to the fact that they are taken care of, she sees people same age as she is and she has found a new home for herself there.
Just try to see her as often as possible and try to be there during her final hours that is if u can have a hint of it.
All u have to do is make sure u re available whenever she needs u. Visit regularly and do things she enjoys wen u are wit her.
I had to take care of my grandmum for a little more than a year. It was not easy cos we had different diets and I couldn't spend as much time as she wanted. She always wants to talk but I have zillion things to do.
It was fun but very tasking and with her getting older it was really difficult so if I have to choose again, I'll rather choose a good nursing home.
It's never her wish,
nobody wishes to sell her comfortable house or compromise her rental property disposing all her precious treasures she acquired in ages
and wake up one day and say oh I think I'm gonna spend the rest of my days in old folks home 
All my years of experience with vulnerable people say 95 out of 100 wish they live with their families and the remaining 5% are non verbal ( can't talk) so what are the odds? Go figure
Who told you they don't like to be around kids? Nigerians with their dumb insinuations !
OP like I've mentioned just leave her be and pay her visit to keep her company as much as you can, The Lord is your strength .
@op..My family would give anything to have what you have now...a place where grandma can be well catered for and all we just have to do is pay the bills but sadly,there are no trusted old people's home in my town so we are stuck with this great-grandma and its been really hard taking care of her.
I think you should let your grandma be..especially since its her choice and she's being taken care of nicely.
You shouldn't be worrying at all.
If they took her there against her wish or sweet talked her into going there, then its understandable if she's rejected their offer now.
@OP, how did she end up there initially
Miss_Ife: I recently visited my grandmother in a retirement home, where she's been staying for the last few years. She is getting older by the day and this is starting to affect her abilities.I felt so bad seeing all these people being taken care of by nurses, in a home that is not theirs, far away from their family. I naturally offered her to come stay with me, my mom offered the same... And she declined.
She said she doesn't want to be a burden, that she is doing ok here, that we have enough on our hands with the young ones. I was really disappointed. I thought she would love being surrounded with children, grandchildren and great grand children.
The place she stays is neat, she has her own room and the staff is really efficient. They offer activities for senior and she is still allowed to go out as she likes. Still... even though it is the norm in the west, I feel something's wrong in letting her stay there. I want to be there for her last moments, even if that means taking care of her like a small baby. I can't stand the idea of her dying all alone.
What do you guys think about it ? Should we just respect her wish and let her stay where she is ? How do you take care of the elderly in your own family ? What plans did you make/are you making to take care of your parents when they won't be able to watch after themselves ?
She is in the best place for her .She doesn't have to worry about how to get to the doctor's office when she is sick or making you rearrange your schedules to accommodate her.
Your grandmother is a very selfless and considerate woman.We need more people like her who will not only think of themselves but the comfort of others.
She is in a retirement home ,that doesn't mean she is about to die,so forget about death for now and enjoy her .
Most of those facilities have recreational activities for the seniors including outings.
She is living out her years well from what I gathered from you
What else could explain why she insists on staying where she is.If she returns home with you,she will probably be stuck in the house all alone while you work.In the retirement home,they have lounges where she can interact with other retirees.
Respect her wishes and don't feel sorry for her.Visit her often and bring her your local foods and encourage the rest of the family to do same.if she can come on weekends,go pick her up for some weekends and family gatherings.
Nothing will give her greater joy than seeing you come by ever so often.By so doing,she will never be alone.Call her at night and say goodnight and in the morning to say good morning ma.
You will add years to her years when she knows that love sorrounds her even with this decision.
This is exactly what I would do if she were my grandmother and what I would expect from my children and grandchildren when I get to that stage in life.
Cheers
Source: http://www.nairaland.com/1099718/taking-care-elderly-family
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