The Jonas Family makes ?Goat Milk Stuff?
By Susan Leigh -
As a child, when we start developing into a teenager and gradually becoming more independent, our family can become less and less important. It is a natural part of growing up and developing ones own identity. Many of our other external relationships seem to matter more. We want to be popular, fit in, be seen to be up-to-date, connected and living a full and active life. Family may at times even fall by the wayside as the effort to consider our other relationships becomes too time-consuming.
But our own family, our parents and siblings, remain a part of us, no matter what.
- They love us anyway. Often parents will despair at the behaviour of their children, how rude and unappreciative they are, how they consider nothing but their own comfort and interests. There may be even be problems that are more serious, lies, betrayal, even crime. Often family members behave in unacceptable ways, and we criticise them for it. But then if anyone else says a word against them we become defensive and protective. The truth is, we may not love our relation?s behaviour but we love them. Separating the two can be difficult, but when they need us there is no question about it. If a relative is in trouble we will usually be there, being supportive of them, and they in return of us.
- They keep us grounded. We cannot pretend to be a diva or a superstar with someone who has seen us as a child in all sorts of messy situations. Family are rather like children. They say it as it is, cannot help themselves. So the comment, look or reminder that stops us going over the top is often a very important intervention.
- They give us honest feedback. Family will usually tell us what they think. There may be times when they do have a personal agenda, they may want to keep us close, or try to influence us to do what they feel is best for them, but family will usually say what they think about something in a way that others may not. That kind of honesty can be refreshing, especially if our lives are full of non-committal people.
- They remind us of our priorities. When we are on a busy career path it can be all too easy to be swept along with appointments, meetings and becoming immersed in the demands of a busy life. Family are a good way to remind ourselves of why we do it all, the important connections, new children being born. Family weddings, anniversaries, even funerals all serve to remind us of what really matters and bring us closer together.
- Communications between family members can become complex as new partners, responsibilities and priorities are added into the mix. Keeping a balance and a sense of perspective in family relationships is important. Often people feel threatened by new relationships occurring which change the family dynamic. Jealousies and power struggles can be brought into the mix. Often a sense of humour, honesty and fairness can help the situation to become balanced again. Trying to see things from the different perspectives can be a help.
And then at some point we may look to settle down with our own partner and start to build our own family, and the cycle starts over again. Our own family is often the reason why we work so hard, try to succeed. We are looking to provide a good quality of life, security and status for our family. But keeping a healthy balance and not losing sight of the important priorities is important. Children will often value a family game of football in the park more than expensive gifts that they play alone in their room. Memories of times together are an important part of family life.
Valuing our family, our background, history and what it has given us is important, but we also need to appreciate that as we get older we move into a different world. Keeping in touch with family and our roots is important, but so is moving on into the independence of our own life. And this often includes starting and raising our own family.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
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Source: http://theselfimprovementblog.com/self-improvement/featured/the-importance-of-family/
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